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Where's My Remote Control?

 aaaahh... The beautiful world of remote controls, where would we be without them?

Who knows, and quite frankly who cares. I'm not quite sure who invented the remote control, but whoever did is a GOD! Imagine having to get up every time you wanted to change the channel, what mayhem. The scary part is I don't think I would watch Television if remotes weren't around. God, me without TV is like Pepper the advice guy without his cigarettes, and believe me that would be a scary sight. Having good remote control handling doesn't come overnight, it takes an immense deal of practice. Here are a few pointers I can give you:

    1) Always have your remote next to you in non-reaching distance. Usually people say "Have it in reaching distance" but that theory sucks. Reaching is evil, hence my point, by you not having to stretch it makes the motion easier and more chillaxed.

    2) Try to memorize the button pad, it will help you greatly. You don't want to bother breaking your focus on the TV by looking down, because that would be a waste of TV viewing time. Please don't worry the feel of the pad will eventually come to you, and when it does, oh man is it ever time to chillax.

    3) Keeping the remote on you at all times in your house is a necessary and groundbreaking step in your quest for chillax. I can't stress this enough, when people leave the TV room they have the habit of leaving the remote control behind. I never saw much sense in that. You should never leave the den for a long period of time, so what would be the point in giving up your dominance of the TV. I tend to keep it strapped on my waist, but maybe in your case you may want to keep it nicely tucked away in a safely guarded pocket. There is nothing worse than coming back into your den and having your viewing program messed up. Moments like these often result in what I like to call "anti-chillax", let us never speak of this term again. When housebound, if you are able to accomplish having the remote on you at all times, you have the potential to be a magnificent lazy ass.

 4) My final tip will probably frighten some of you... REMOTE FAILURE! If the buttons on your remote don't seem to be working, don't panic, just stay chilled! Simply take the buttons out, give them a thorough shaking (individually), put them back and see if it will work again. It should work after performing this process, but if not I suggest you GET YOUR ASS TO A PLACE THAT SELLS BATTERIES OR REMOTES, AND DO IT FAST!!!

Thank You,

The Den Master Back

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