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Zodiac

LIBRA(September 23-October 22)LIBRASCORPIO(October 23-November 21)SAGGITTARIUS(November 22- December 21)CAPRICORN(December 22-January 19)AQUARIUS(January 20-February 18)PISCES(February 19-March 20)ARIES (March 20-April 19)TAURUS (Mar 20-April 20)GEMINI (May 21-June 21)CANCER (June 22-July 22)LEO (July 23-August 22)VIRGO (August 23-September 22)

Aries | Taurus | Gemini | Cancer | Leo | Virgo | Libra | Scorpio | Sagittarius |Capricorn | Aquarius | Pisces


Aries: (March 20-April 19)
       In Aries there is unlimited energy, and optimism. You are the living spirit of resilience and have the power to be yourself, free from all restrictions. Only problem is you're arrogant, conceited and stubborn as hell. There is no pattern you have to repeat, nobody's rules you have to follow. Which often means you suck shit.You are rude and brash, treating people like they are monkeys. People tire of you quickly and learn to hate you. You really have to Chillax.
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Taurus: (March 20-April 20)
       Taurus is the sign of wealth. Wealth of the material and spiritual worlds. This is the sign of economy and reserve, a mixture of thrift and luxury,generosity and practicality. They are tenacious, determined and can be all round pushy in their perfectionist ways. These are a large percentage of the bastards in life. They stress easy and can take out their stress on people around them. They have fits of gluttony and are often fat bastards. They need to go to a chillax camp, submerged and away from the world.
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Gemini: (May 21-June 21)
       Geminies are communication masters. Charming, lighthearted and debonair, these people are the life of almost any party. They have a willingness to explore and try anything once, often acting completely out of character. They are often considered to be two faced and hipocritical. These people are the type that leave others at the altar. They care only about themselves and are selfish bastards. These two faced sacks of shit need to chillax twice as hard then anyone around them.
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Cancer: (June 22-July 22)
       Cancer is the protector. These people are intent on establishing harmony in their domestic sphere and generally improving any aspect of their family unit. They are highly intuitive, loyal and loving.They prefer staying home, and having a large meal with their family then going just about anywhere. These people have no backbone,and if they wouldn't have families they would have been sodomized by the world a long time ago. They can be weepy whiny people, that nag way too much and irritate others with their childishness.Some people find this endearing, I think these bithces need to chillax on the touchy feely stuff.
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Leo: (July 23-August 22)
       Leo is the sign of love. They are passionate, romantic, adventurous and into playing games.They like having fun but this just arises from their desire to express love. They are very enlightened to the needs of others. They enjoy being the hero, are often dependable, loyal, responsible and efficient. These people make great yes men since all they think about is making other people like them. They are what some people call "HAMS". They need to chillax with the brown nosing and start loving themselves.
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Virgo: (August 23-September 22)
       Virgo is the sign of work and service. Celebration through work is the characteristic of this sign.They have the constant need to arrange, assimilate and categorize. All these fuckers ever do is criticize and analyze.These are the type of people that can go to the Sistine Chapel and complain because the artwork is on the ceiling and not the walls.They are the embodiment of health, mostly because their nit picking ways make everyone else around them sick. They need to really REALLY settle down and chillax, before someone strangles them in their sleep.
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Libra: (September 23-October 22)
       Libra is the sign of human relationship, marriage, equality and justice. It symbolizes the union between people on any level-Mental, sexual, emotional or business. They have a need to relate, to find a major person, place,or thing to sustain themselves and draw out their attention. They are materialistic, selfish and only looking to fulfill the hole that their lack of self esteem creates. They are often lonely, pathetic people that need to be redeemed through the praise of others. They need to lie down in the fetal position chanting "I love myself" over and over again,because holy fuck do they ever need to chillax.
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Scorpio: (October 23-November 21)
       Scorpio is the sign of dark intensity, swirling passion, and sexual magnetism. More then any other sign they are interested in reproducing and survival. In their pursuit of their goals no obstacles can stop them. They are always ready, vibrant, secretive and ready to manipulate. These are people that would stab you in your back and then fuck your corpse. Often they go through periods of discord which end up in a total character transformation. They have to be in control, and often have fits of mad jealousy and rage. They need to remember they aren't God. Just chillax (and maybe masterbate too).
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Sagittarius: (November 22- December 21)
       This is the sign of adventure and a thousand new beginings. There are Enthusiastic, optimistic and constantly searching for truth, wisdom, and self-understanding, these people have the uncanny knack of leaving the past behind them and emerging from any situation cheerfully and resilient. This is mostly because they're too stupid to understand anything. Because of their generosity, humour and good nature, they are generally well liked but often are irresponsible and undependable. These people are just always looking for something that isn't there...just enjoy what you have. Remember the grass is always greener on the other side. And oh yeah, YOU NAIVE STUPID SHITS NEED TO CHILLAX.
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Capricorn: (December 22-January 19)
       Capricorn is the sign of structure. It is the symbol of success and happiness through perseverance.They are usually conservative, stable and responsible, with a never ending awareness of success, reputation, and honour. These are the people who walk around with their noses in the air looking at everyone up and down. These shit sticks would do anything to achieve a certain position that is desirable to them. These people are narrow minded gloomy souls that need to chillax very much.
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Aquarius: (January 20-February 18)
       This is the fairy sign of the zodiac. This is the symbol of friendship, goodwill, and harmony. These people believe in principles of individual freedom, brotherly love and respect for the rights of anything on earth. Most tree huggers and hippies are Aquarians. People of this sign are often eccentric souls who enjoy living liberated from restrictions, repression and conventions.The problem is these morons get so caught up in their own beliefs that they become too unpredictable and almost unstable. These are the people that kill abortion doctors to prove that abortion is wrong. Get over yourselves. You can't save everything. Maybe you should try lying down and chillaxing. (And maybe shaving your armpits too)
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Pisces: (February 19-March 20)
       A pisces has a capacity for discipline, endurance and Stamina.They are passive and compassionate. Nothing fazes these people as they are governed and protected by an incredible faith. These people believe that everything is infinite, and everything is universally the same. It sounds like they've been thinking way too much. They are nothing more than victims of severe of escapism. These are people that come up with "life philosophies", and are always a little too eager to let other people know about them. They only do this to hide the fact that they can barely stand their own existence. They need to get off their high horses invest in a large screen television with a kick ass remote that can control the stars and... JUSTCHILLAX.
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